we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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