I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
