Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
