I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
