We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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