his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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