now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
