Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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