this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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