An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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