i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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