you told grandpa to call you daddy
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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