My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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