Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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