I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
