I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
