I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize