honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So much Jack, so little girl.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
