why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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