Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
