I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
