You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
