Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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