every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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