I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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