Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
