it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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