oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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