idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
