I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
