YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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