just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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