my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
