this boner is exhausting
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
