Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
being pregnant is like rehab
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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