All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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