I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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