Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
