OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, beer. Big fan.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
