I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
