Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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