WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
