If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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