Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
