Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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