So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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