I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
