Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
