about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
