when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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