We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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