Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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