Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
