I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
