If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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