OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sobbing to NWA
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
