I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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