oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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