Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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