Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
