i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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