I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
