While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
