I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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