so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Blood and glitter go together right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
