i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
