Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
