my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
