Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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