Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
