Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
